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cartman, eric
PostPosted: Thu Mar 30, 2006 3:37 am    Post subject: Share Your Junk e-mails here... Reply with quote



Joined: 05 Jan 2006
Posts: 491

CORPORATE LESSONS


Corporate Lesson #1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower.
The doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment,
the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob, the next door neighbour," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your share holders in time,
you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.


Corporate Lesson #2:
A priest offered a lift to a nun.
She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her habit apart to reveal a shapely leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car,
He stealthily slid his hand onto her thigh.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her thigh again.
The nun once again said, "Father, please remember Psalm 129!"
The priest apologised. "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, "Go forth and seek further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.


Corporate Lesson #3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking
to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, "I normally grant three wishes,
but as there are three of you,
I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk.
"I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat,
without a care in the world."
Poof! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse,
an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life by my side."
Poof! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.


Corporate Lesson #4:
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not?"

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing all day, you must be sitting very high up.


Corporate Lesson #5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of
that tree" sighed the turkey,
but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull,
"They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the
top of the tree.

Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.






Cool
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"Jean Claude Van Damme is back. In the same crap you've seen over and over, and over again"
Pablo Franscisco stand up routine
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fReqZz
PostPosted: Sat Apr 01, 2006 11:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 20 Jun 2005
Posts: 1351
Location: Mont Kiara

damn... what a story... plus the morale... three thumbs up.. hahaha...
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OneMB
PostPosted: Sat Apr 01, 2006 1:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 22 Jan 2006
Posts: 483
Location: Banting

It's funny with a good msg's Very Happy
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Jeff
PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2006 3:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mod Squad
Mod Squad

Joined: 02 Oct 2004
Posts: 551
Location: Land of the Head Hunters

Excellent poems by not so famous poets... found on toilet doors and
walls..........


A budding poet trying his best...

Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.


Before he graduated to be a poet, he wrote this...

Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted


Someone who had a different experience wrote,

You're lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shit my pants!


Perhaps it's true that people find inspiration in
toilets.

I came here
To shit and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.


There are also people who come in for a different
purpose...

Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullshit on the walls...


Toilets walls also double as job advertisement
space.......

(written high upon the wall)
If you can piss above this line, the Singapore Fire
Department wants you.


Ministry of Environment advertisement.

We aim to please!
You aim too! Please



On the inside of a toilet door:

Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the
entire performance.

And finally, this should teach some a lesson...
Sign seen at a restaurant:

The hands that clean these toilets also make your
food...please aim properly.


jsut sharing some office spam ..pretty funny shit..hehe
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alfie
PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2006 4:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 04 Apr 2006
Posts: 25

Kudos dude! great story with beneficial moral lessons behind them.. I pity the father though..hahaha..he wasted an excellent opportunity! hehehe
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cartman, eric
PostPosted: Wed Sep 06, 2006 6:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 05 Jan 2006
Posts: 491

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side

is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the

same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your

horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the

same speed as you and the kangaroo. What must you do to safely get out of

this highly dangerous situation?



If you do not know, see answer below.






















































































Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round
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"Jean Claude Van Damme is back. In the same crap you've seen over and over, and over again"
Pablo Franscisco stand up routine
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cartman, eric
PostPosted: Sun Dec 24, 2006 3:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 05 Jan 2006
Posts: 491

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C monkey please." The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fitted a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, "That'll be £5,000."

The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.

Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey.

Most of them are only a few hundred pounds. Why did it cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."

The tourist looked at a monkey in another cage. "Hey, that one's even more expensive! £10,000!

What does it do?"

"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read £50,000. The tourist gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"

The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but it says it's a project manager".
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Pablo Franscisco stand up routine
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fReqZz
PostPosted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 12:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 20 Jun 2005
Posts: 1351
Location: Mont Kiara

Laughing dammmnnn....
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Jeff
PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2007 3:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mod Squad
Mod Squad

Joined: 02 Oct 2004
Posts: 551
Location: Land of the Head Hunters

gile psycho sials mamat ni...


> >
> >
> > > surat ini memang betul diterima oleh MAS..........
> >
> >
> > > Mohd Kamal Bin Abdul Ghafar
> > > 5 Jalan 3/4
> > > Taman Bukit Indah
> > > 68000 Ampang Selangor.
> > > (Rumah pakcik saya)
> > >
> > >
> > > Tuan Pengurus Besar Kanan
> > > Malaysia Airlines System
> > > 21 Sep 2005
> > >
> > > Tuan,
> > >
> > > Memohon Pekerjaan di Malaysia Airlines System.
> > >
> > > Sehubungan dengan perkara diatas, saya Mohd Kamal Bin Abdul Ghafar no
> > > k/p 831021-10-5889 mahu memohon untuk bekerja disyarikat tuan dalam
> > > bidang teknikal. Ini kerana saya sangat berminat & bersungguh2 sampai
> > > tak boleh tido malam mengingatkan pekerjaan dalam dalam bidang ini.
> > > Walaupun begitu saye mengaku sebab saye mintak kerja disini kerana
> saya
> > > juga adalah seorang petani anggur. Disebabkan begitu pihak tuan
> kenalah
> > > ambil saya bekerja disini.
> > >
> > > 1. Pihak tuan perlu tahu juga bahawasanya bapa saya iaitu ABD GHAFAR
> > > adalah seorang ahli KWSP. Jika pihak tuan tidak mengambil saya bekerja
> > > saya serta merta akan menyuruh bapa saya membekukan
> > > pengeluaran KWSP pihak tuan masa tua nanti. Jika pihak tuan tak nak
> > > susah baiklah ambil saya bekerja disini. Itu saja keotaian saya.
> > >
> > > 2. Untuk pengetahuan pihak tuan, disini saya akan tampilkan kelayakan
> > > akademik dan pengalaman kerja saya sebelum ini kepada tuan.
> > >
> > > 3. Akademik Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia Vokasional 1999-2000
> > > Matapelajaran : (gred)
> > > Bahasa Malaysia 6D
> > > Bahasa Inggeris 6D
> > > Sains 7E
> > > Matematik 6D
> > > Pendidikan Islam 5C
> > > Sejarah 7E
> > > Lukisan geometri 7E
> > > Teknologi air-condition 6D
> > > Kerja bengkel 3B
> > >
> > > Sijil Kemahiran Malaysia 2001-2002 (MLVK)
> > > Sijil Kejuruteraan Automotive (Tahap 1&2) dari Institut
> > Latihan
> > > Perindustrian Kementerian Sumber Manusia Malaysia ..
> > >
> > > 4. Pengalaman kerja
> > > ¡P Pembantu mekanik kereta di Yusuf Workshop, Ipoh , Perak
> > > ¡P Pembantu mekanik kereta di Dunlop Servitekar di Leboh Ampang,
> > Kuala Lumpur (kedai gemok)
> > > p/s (alignment kat situ tipu)
> > > ¡P Staff pejabat di Gesundheit Worldwide di Semabok, Melaka. (pusat
> > serenti)
> > >
> > > 5. Hanya ini sahaja dapat saya tampilkan kepada pihak tuan.
> > >
> > > Diharap dengan kelayakan yang saya ada, permohonan saya untuk bekerja
> > > disyarikat tuan dapat dipertimbangkan oleh tuan. Dan saya berasa
> gembira
> > > & seronok & akan belanja satu MAS makan sekiranya diterima bekerja di
> > > syarikat tuan dan saya berjanji akan bekerja dengan bersungguh-sungguh
> > > disamping bangun awal dan datang kerja awal.
> > >
> > > Saya tak tipu nie. Walaupun saya pernah ponteng skolah dan ditangkap
> > > beberapa kali saya akan insaf juga jika saya dapat kerja ini. Saya
> > > tidak akan hisap ganja lagi jikalau saya dapat kerja disini.
> > >
> > > Sekiranya saya didapati bersalah dalam apa2 juga kesalahan pihak tuan
> > > tidak boleh ambil tindakan yg kuat disamping menjentik jari saya
> sahaja.
> > > Untuk makluman tuan saya sangat kurus jikalau dirotan sekali tulang2
> > > saya akan bersepai dan pihak tuan akan mendapat susah yang amat
> sangat.
> > > Saya juga berjanji tidak akan mencuri skru2 nat2 yg lawa2.jika saya
> nak
> > > mencuri saya akan ambil sahaja dan masuk dalam poket seluar itu tidak
> > > dikira mencuri. Saya pun dah penat menulis segala nya bermula &
> > > berakhir dgn baik. Jika pihak tuan tidak mengambil saya bekerja hidup
> > > pihak tuan akan berakhir dengan bacaan yasin. Dah kunjungan org ramai.
> > >
> > > Sekian terima kasih.
> > >
> > > Yang benar,
> > >
> > > (Mohd Kamal Bin Abdul Ghafar)
> > > 25 Jalan 3/4
> > > Taman Bukit Indah
> > > 68000 Ampang
> > > Selangor
> >
>
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deathline
PostPosted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 1:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 04 Nov 2004
Posts: 327
Location: Taman Melawati, KL

giler laa....surat ape yang dier tulis ni ?
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GryMlock
PostPosted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 8:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 24 Nov 2003
Posts: 3699
Location: Agombak Ago go!

ishk takkan la.
fake kot ni.
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Jeff
PostPosted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 10:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mod Squad
Mod Squad

Joined: 02 Oct 2004
Posts: 551
Location: Land of the Head Hunters

aku ingat fake gak kot, but im open to possibilities...dah ramai sangat orang yang aku jumpe tak betul. Very Happy
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